I did talk a lot about how modling is bad for young girls and the way they end up perceiving themselves because of the industry. I talked about how my eating disorders couldn’t cause more trouble than during my modeling days , how mother agencies are sometimes not that amazing and how lonely it sometimes gets when you end up travelling for most of the year on your own.
Well – somehow I miss modeling more than anything else in the entire world and right after graduating I plan to get back to it. Of course I still intend to do my MA degree but it is not going to be a huge problem to do both (I guess).
For the longest time ever I’ve been feeling as if I were stuck in one point of my life with no escape exit. That’s how staying in one place for too long makes me feel. If one wants to settle down somewhere – go nuts love – but if you’re still looking for your place in this world – three years seems like too much of everything. I’ve had enough. Honestly. I know the city I live in by heart and there is nothing going on that would ever surprise me. It’s dull, grey, ordinary.
That is what made me choose modeling as a job all those years ago – travelling, meeting new people, never being in one place for too long (just usually it seemed like you never had enough time) and constantly being on the move. Taking a break from modelling for three years was simultaneously the best and the worst decision of my life. The best because it made me realise that in the future I do want to keep working as a fashion professional and the worst because for the first time in years it felt as if I wasn’t myself anymore. I mean it’s cool when you can eat whatever you want to but at the same time – it’s not worth all of the evenings of me crying and re-watching films from my previous contracts.
I can easily say that I’d much rather b at a gym right now instead of trying to figure out what part of Nancy Dubuc’s life is the most important for my case study. Seriously, I’ve had enough. I do enjoy the course but at the same time it makes me slightly sad that I had to leave modeling in order to pursue my more academic dreams and goals. Don’t get me wrong, it’s cool, the entire student experience and stuff but I do realise that I wouldn’t cry at least once a month if in the end I would’ve decided to chose a course connected to fashion.