On not being okay

Recent months have been tough. It’s still not amazing now but I’m most certainly doing better. Way better. I achieved the stability for now through a lot of work on myself and focusing on my mental and physical health. It’s been a wild ride but I’m almost there.

I’ve been struggling with a creative block for a while now. I don’t feel happy with anything I write or create in general. I feel as if I have been stuck in a certain point in my life for quite a while now and I wasn’t able to move on. It sounds bad but trust me – it is better now. I realised how much I need a break, that no matter what I’m going to do I won’t be happy because I’m simply tired. I have been doing everything to get 1:1 degree at university and after three years of working on projects and writing pretty much non-stop I’ve had enough. I still have the creative drive to complete my own projects, pick up new things and have fun when it comes to creative stuff. I picked up tattooing again, I learn how to draw better, I’m working on my blog and my book. But when it comes to deadliness I can’t say that I care enough. I do work on my projects but something clicked and stuff that used to make me happy and I could spend hours working on them stopped bringing me joy. I started doing everything for the grade and not for myself. It’s not too bad – at least I still care about something enough to complete the projects and now since there’s not much left I will be able to relax and spend some time with myself.

It is important for your mental health to talk about your feelings. That’s why I felt it was important for me to write about it. I don’t go around the city screaming that I’m not doing great but also I’m not going to hide the fact that some things right now are not the way I want them to be. Which makes me feel helpless and useless. But it’s okay. It’s completely fine not to be fine and talking about the way you feel can help identifying the problem to further deal with it. Eventually I’ll be okay just…not yet.