Types of customers – sushi restaurant

So yeah… As you may knoow or may not know – I quitted my previous job months ago now. It feels like forever, finally dropped my douchy boss and moved to a place which I actually like. I do miss being a barista, but on the other hand being a waitress is fun as well. Plus I don’t have to make food now, which is great, because seriously that was a part that I hated so, so much. Now I work at a Sushi restaurant in the twown where I live and I love it. It gets ridiculously busy sometimes and it would be all good if not for some douchy customers… If you’re one of them – just stop, stop whatever you’re doing because you are being an annoying little fuck.

1) Dad jokes master. 
Puns that you come up with are not funny. I get it, but I don’t appreciate it at all. When I come up to you saying that I’m Monika and today I’ll be your waitress, please don’t say “Hi Monika, I’m hungry”. I know that you’re hungry, you came to a restaurant, therefore you must be hungry, because you came here to eat. So shut up and just order. And also – “We’ve got some rolls so now we can roll” is not that innovative and original as you may think. In fact 50% of people say it so don’t be that proud of yourself.

2) Impatient guy
Yeah, I know it may seem that it takes forever, but if you scream at me it’s not gonna help. I’m going to ignore you, because as you haven’t noticed, we’ve got the entire restaurant filled with customers, and you were the last one to order, because it took you way too long so wnow you can wait. I’m not even sorry.

3) ‘So what’s the deal’ person
The deal is that you order and you get your food. Just choose whatever. Yes, I’m here to help you, but I’m not going to order for you mate. Stop asking me about every single thing, becasue every sngle roll is alsmot thee same and youve goot the ingredients written in the name, so what’s your del? Can’t you read?

4) Vegan with rice issues
I don’t even know where to start, because why are you even here? At a sushi restaurant? And you don’t like rice? But you’re also a vegan? So we just have noodle soup for you, but you don’t like noodles. God help me.

5) I know that you’re fully booked but I want to get a table and no I’m not okay with sitting at the bar. 
Fuck off. Seriously, you annoy the fuck out of me, leave and never come back.

6) Do you still serve food? 
Yes we do serve food 20 minutes before closing but I still expect you to leave at 10pm, because guess what – I want to go home and get enough sleep before my morning lectures. If you don’t leave by then I’m going to passive agressively stare at you for the rest of the time you’ll be at the restaurant, because I hate you so fucking much and I don’t want to be there anyommer. Yes, I do get paid if I stay there longer, but there are some day when I actually want to go to bed before 11. Oh and if you stay up till midnight although theres a huge sign that we close at 10 then fuck you, get in the fucking bin you asshole.

7) I’ve been here so many times, can I get a discount?
No, I don’t even have to be polite about it. Straight up no and if you don’t like it I hope you’ll never come back.