Dear X,

We haven’t spoken with each other for three years, seven months and nine days. Well… we did once, but it was only about you taking your stuff from my place. You left your socks by the way and I’m still waiting when you will come back for them. I just wanted to check if you are alright, because I couldn’t figure it out after ‘stalking’ you for three months on facebook. I wish I were brave enough to just call you and ask how you are doing, but I’m not. So I decided to write a letter – you like old vintage things, don’t you – but I will never send it either, because I’m afraid you wouldn’t read it or couldn’t be bothered to answer at least.
I hope that you are doing well and that you found your own way of living. But please, not this garage band – I know you can’t play the guitar, as we both know you have always been tone-deaf. I’m sorry, not for calling you tone-deaf – you know it’s true, but for everything that have happened. I’m sorry that I hurt you so bad that you pretend not to know me now when we see each other in the store. I’m sorry that I didn’t apologize and that I let you go, but, dear X, you didn’t fight and you let me let you go. I remember the day when I said ‘yes’ so well as if it was just yesterday. Back then I was just afraid that otherwise I would lose my friend and I needed you to be by my side. I wanted you to be there for me and if I told you ‘no’ you would be hurt again. I never wanted to hurt you. I know I did and all I can do now is explain that I never wanted to do so. I still remember our late night walks to the nearest park. When I was sitting on the back of my favourite bench so I could be a little bit taller than you to look into your deep, brown eyes and feel so bad to lie to you just because I wanted to keep you by my side. First time you told me you loved me I didn’t respond and I saw that you were hurt. I didn’t want you to be sad or angry so next time I said I loved you too, but it wasn’t entirely true, but I did everything I could to keep you by my side.
I didn’t want to lose or hurt my best friend. But I did and I can’t take it back, undo it. And then you didn’t want to tell our friends that we were together, this is when I saw that I actually did love you, but it was already too late. I knew too well how it feels to be somebody else’s secret and I didn’t like it. I promised myself once that I would never agree to be in a dark, jump into the closet and hide.
Dear X, I know that I hurt you, but you need to know that you also hurt me. I thought that you didn’t love me anymore, that you were ashamed of me, because we were so different and I just didn’t fit perfectly in your life. That was that moment when I decided that I had to leave you. So I stopped talking to you, but you ignored me back, which drove me mad (actually I was pretty sad about that) and I tried to get your attention, but you just seemed to have  lost interest in me so I gave up. I’m sorry for the way we broke up. Shaking your hand saying “thanks for everything” wasn’t the best idea, but you have to understand that it wasn’t my best day and you know why. I’m glad you moved on so fast, but I hate the fact that every time we see each other in the store or on the street you ignore me and we stopped even saying hi. I’m sorry that you can’t even look at me right now. I remember when I seemed to be the only one in the whole world that you wanted to look at.
Anyways, I just wanted to say that I hope you are doing well. Last time I saw you you seemed to be quite alright. May all of your dreams come true and I know that one day you will find someone who will look at you with so much love as once you looked at me. I’m sorry.